Interesting twist

I found out today that a girl, Deidra, from my high school died today.
Which is very sad-a.
b. I didn't really talk to the girl. I know her, well, knew her. My high school was very very tiny. We had about 100 people who graduated in my class, all girls, and I knew everyone at least a little bit. When you go to that small of a school, you know people. So I knew her. And when I got the news, I was sad. That's a real sad situation. But I didn't start to cry, which usually is the reaction when you hear about someone dying (rather someone close to you)...

It just brought up issues I've been supressing. My best friend died. Period. And that was a while ago, and I feel like part of me should be over it. But I'm definitely not. He was an amazing friend. And she had cancer, as did he. We thought it was over for him, and so did she. She died at 21, and he died 3 days after his 21st birthday. And I know I shouldn't make a situation like this about me. Whatsoever. But a part of me has been lost, and I don't know in what way to gain it back. What makes it worse, was that I don't talk to his girlfriend anymore. The last time we hung out, she did something that made me extremely mad at her, as was my roommate, that makes me not want to see her again. And his other best guy friend, I found myself getting irritated with, because, well, I get irritated with guys that I liked at one point and I liked him. But part of me thinks that it was because I just felt like I might have been falling for him for the WAY wrong reasons. He isn't Rob. And I think part of me felt like I could make up for not saying what I really felt to Rob with him. But I didn't. And we talk sometimes online, but I haven't seen him since June either.


I guess, I just don't know what to do about it. I mean I don't htink about him everday, but when I do think about Rob, I feel guilty that I haven't been thinking about him very much...who knows.

All I do know, is that I need to figure some of these things out.
And that I am praying for Deidra Finklea and her family.