ughhhh

Everything is fucked, apparently.

School. Work. Life.

Joyous 10th week, thank you for coming at the right time.


At least in 2 weeks, I will turn 21 and will be celebrating like a mo-fugga. MO FUGGA, that's right I said it.

Saturday

My boyfriend is amazing.

U of C library for an adventure.. and I had a great time.. he puts up with a lot .. and I appreciate that so much.. (I promise I wasn't a total bitch today).

Double Date to see Pirates III with Parker and Chrissy... amazing. THe movie was... some things were good.. some things were cheesey .. btu I don't know what I want to say abotu it yet....


I am filled with .. <3 lol.

Gooood times.

I hope I can make it through this next week..

the past week

These past few days (and by few I mean about 5) have been intense, in many different ways. I am going to explain by day.. and see where that gets me:

Thursday, May 17th:

Since I got into a car accident on Tuesday, I was unable to go to work, which was very painful to my wallet, considering cash is needed desperately. So I slept in until noon which was needed after the Chuck Palahnuik night. I also skipped class because, well, my paper was more important than class and I had a concert to attend to that night. So after their classes, my friend Rachel and Ryan came over to my apartment. Rachel had bought me my ticket, lended me cigarettes, and bought shitty vodka for us to chug on the way there, to say the least I owe her massively. So off we went to Animal collective, which was ok. I wasn't very impressed until the very end which is not a time to impress someone because I had been standing there for a few hours and I was getting very pissy. But they performed the song, "We, Tigers" and I was almost shocked at the sound that came from them. They are not a screamy band, very rave, very hippie, but they started screaming and it was amazing (although the song on CD does NOT sound as good as it did in concert). So when we left the red line was re-routed so we got off the red line, and then I realized we could stay on it and we ended up making the 11:40 train home to Naperville. Rachel stayed the night and I made Rachel and Ryan grilled cheese. Again, I was a bitch because of lack of sleep.. but for some reason Ryan didn't care.. or at least didn't show it and that was nice.

Friday, May 18th:

I needed sleep. But because of the past two days of adventures I had to write my Holocaust paper. I wrote it on Borowski and Rachel helped, so did B. Long which was very nice of both. So I didn't go to Nutrition, and I kind of said fuck it to my Seminar in Fiction class @ 12 because after I turned in that paper I was fried. done. It was the weekend. So Rachel and I laid around, and I took a nap, which was so desperately needed.
later that evening I had people over. It was the combo of home friends and school friends. I knew that this could be a lethal combo. Because my friends from home are completely different from those from school (the only two I know for a fact that are like my friends from home are Kate and marz). At first it was awkward, and then it got better. I really missed my friends from home. and we did the usual drink, stay up till 4-5 am and watch movies. At the end it was Brennan, Justin, Brian, and I, and man had I missed those kids. Hopefully I will be able to see them again sooooon.

Saturday, May 19th:

this was lazy day. I sat around and did nothing all day, until my sister Courtney and gf Stef got there. we went to target, i was a bitch, you know the usual...
Later Parker and Ryan came over.. and actually Parker decided to do a surprise strip tease for me which was ridiculous. Ridiculous.. fucking ridiculous. But funny.
They stayed over till 1:30 am or so.. and then we passed out.

Sunday, May 20th:
baby shower.... need I say more?

Monday, May21st:
had a breakdown.

today:

I am at work. Leaving in a half hour.. waiting to get the hell out of here. Going to class and then hopefully taking a nap, because god I need it.


i was going to go more in-depth with every day.. but by the end, i said fuck it.

Chuck Palahnuik

Chuck Palahnuik last night was intense.

We left Naperville at 3:33 and did not return until 2 a.m.

We waited for 5.5 hours to meet him, and unfortunately no pictures were allowed at the time that we met him.
But my new book RANT does say this on the inside cover:

Caitlin- You have been tested positive for rabies. Get well soon! Chuck Palahnuik.


Well that's good right? I was a big bitch last night.. and Ryan and Parker had to deal with it.. I feel so bad.
So bad.
But that's, sadly, the mood I was in.. and I could not get out of it.

And tonight is the Animal Collective concert, which I am excited to go to but at the same time, I have a Holocaust paper due at 12 tomorrow. Let's see how I am going to work this out..

At least Friday night will be a blast.

longing

to create


with no time to devote to it.

work this morning

co-workers at work this morning:

Ned: "Caitlin, as long as you dont' touch my applicant cards, I don't care"
Jim: "You better watch it Ned, Caitlin will go Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on your ass"
[insert laughter]
Jim continues, "She may be 3 foot 6 but she has mad hops"
Joanie puts her two cents in, "Yeah I mean look at Yoda!"


Ooooh work. They can make someone's day, even if they are mocking your height.

a conversation?

Welcome back anxiety!
What did you bring with...fear and stress?
Oh, of course you all are welcome.
No, she doesn't mind that her nails become nubs, that her hair gets torn out, that she smokes a pack a day, that she apologizes constantly for things that apologies are not needed, that she worries that her friends are really mad at her (like everybody did in grade school).
It's fine.
She was starting to fall back into it anyways..
Hm?
Oh yeah about that, she doesn't go to therapy anymore. She didn't like the idea of having to change her therapists and start all over again. Yes...yes.. that was stupid.
Well, welcome back anyway...

To that, Anxiety replies, "I never went anywhere..."