Lacking

I'm missing my spiritual side.

I'm going on a search.

life at its best.

my life.
i live it.

if i died tomorrow, i would be ok with it.

i may not like somethings i've done (last night is probably the pinnacle of that).
but i LIVE my life.
I am not waiting for anyone. I do what I feel is best for me in the moment
I may have held myself back. And at times I feel like I do hold myself back. But I am ok with that. I have to be, because I am happy. I am happy with me. An overweight short girl, who's on her own, doesn't do her homework, reads too much, head in the clouds, naive about her students, 21 year old who just wants to live. and I am.

My friend and I discussed how she is holding herself back by telling herself every day that her life will begin AFTER she gets her doctorate. That is no way to live your life, whatsoever.
You have to be happy with who you are and what you do TODAY.
If you cannot say to yourself, that if you don't wake up the next morning, and you're not happy with your life, it is time to think.

I
live.

Constantly.

I may do it too much. I may not think of the future. I may fuck things up sometimes.
But I'll get to where I want to be. Need to be.

I will never regret how I live.



I refuse to.

welcome july.

I must say that my life is well... plain.
I have been spending time with friends and family equally which makes me feel good. Really good. Last night, I read outside of my parents backporch drinking a beer with my mom and dad, and I have to say I miss those summer days. Last year, that was a daily process (yes, even with the beer), and was it lovely. What was also nice was I fell asleep at 8 p.m. A rarity within itself, and it felt nice to just be able to relax not worry about anything. These next few days are going to be pretty great, I must say. Today I work only for another hour, and then I am off to the Taste with my mom. I might go home tonight, I might not. IF I do, I will be back in the Ville relatively early, and will probably do something with stacey since she is spending the night with her parents. Then, I am back to work in the morning, and Iwill be heading home for the evening. July 4th is going to be a low key day, except I think my dad and I are either seeing Fantastic Four OR live or Die hard. And he wants me to decide, yeah, like that's going to happen. I say we see both, I'll pay for one, and he'll pay for the other. But I don't think he's going to be down for that. Other than that though, we're having a fire in our backyard, and then we will probably get drunk, no joke. The 5th is Kate's 21st and jesus, is that going to be intense. then the 6th I am off to Stevensville, MI... Thank god. As much as there is nothing to do, and yeah there's bars, but I am not going to want to go every night. It will be nice to get away from IL, and hang out in good ol' Michigan.

So basically that's my life, I love living on my own, keeping to myself, or hanging out with people. all is well in my life.
Oh and for the English nerds out there: I am reading a book called, Nightmares and Dreamscapes, by Stephen King. If you ever get the chance to read this, please do! It's a great read, and it's all short stories, so it throws you in every which way. Amazing.

Now I am off to finish up some work, but I leave you with this (a picture that explains my week):


Lilyanna Paige Spyrnal. 7lbs 8 oz. My cousin's new baby.