mmmmm

If you haven't already, and am urging for some philosophy...

The Waking Life.


Watch it, it will change your life, or at least make you think for a while.

People....gr

My professor today was talking about how much money it is to paint a house, backporch, etc.

And this smart ass kid goes, "Well you're a teacher, you have summers off, do it yourself".

Ok so the fuck what? He's a teacher, don't you think we might do tutoring programs in the summer? Hmm?

I hate that people think that If you can't do anything else, you be a teacher.
Well here's a new flash: Being a teacher is damn hard.
and if anyone else has anything to say about it: Kiss my grits.


:)

Interesting twist

I found out today that a girl, Deidra, from my high school died today.
Which is very sad-a.
b. I didn't really talk to the girl. I know her, well, knew her. My high school was very very tiny. We had about 100 people who graduated in my class, all girls, and I knew everyone at least a little bit. When you go to that small of a school, you know people. So I knew her. And when I got the news, I was sad. That's a real sad situation. But I didn't start to cry, which usually is the reaction when you hear about someone dying (rather someone close to you)...

It just brought up issues I've been supressing. My best friend died. Period. And that was a while ago, and I feel like part of me should be over it. But I'm definitely not. He was an amazing friend. And she had cancer, as did he. We thought it was over for him, and so did she. She died at 21, and he died 3 days after his 21st birthday. And I know I shouldn't make a situation like this about me. Whatsoever. But a part of me has been lost, and I don't know in what way to gain it back. What makes it worse, was that I don't talk to his girlfriend anymore. The last time we hung out, she did something that made me extremely mad at her, as was my roommate, that makes me not want to see her again. And his other best guy friend, I found myself getting irritated with, because, well, I get irritated with guys that I liked at one point and I liked him. But part of me thinks that it was because I just felt like I might have been falling for him for the WAY wrong reasons. He isn't Rob. And I think part of me felt like I could make up for not saying what I really felt to Rob with him. But I didn't. And we talk sometimes online, but I haven't seen him since June either.


I guess, I just don't know what to do about it. I mean I don't htink about him everday, but when I do think about Rob, I feel guilty that I haven't been thinking about him very much...who knows.

All I do know, is that I need to figure some of these things out.
And that I am praying for Deidra Finklea and her family.

why don't we have a chat?

Austin Morgan has a good point.
People should blog more to update your life.
And I guess I'll do that...

My life hasn't been the best lately. I have been very depressed about school, and where I am going..but I have my friends and family (and yes, my therapist) to help me through a little rough patch that I'll get through.
I found out that I don't have enough credits to graduate this year, when I just had told my dad that I would be graduating on time. Amazing. I always said I wouldn't walk. But I really really wanted the option. There is nothing I can do about this though, so I digress...

Living on my own has proven much harder than I thought. You don't realize what you have to buy and what little things you forget that you need, that YOU have to pay for. I hate it, yet, love it. So when I move back home in the summer, I will be rather depressed about it...but why worry about that right now? I have some time.

I'm getting annoyed by people again. Not any of my friends really, just old friends, and that's bad. REALLY bad. Because I shouldn't be a bitch. I can be a really nice person, but I still act like one. Weird.


I don't know... I don't even know what to write anymore. Everything is not ok with me, and I think that writing about it, is not really helping...


Just call me Debbie Downer :)

content content

I went to the head doctor today.

I am proud of myself, to admit that I really need to go to therapy.
And that I have issues that I have decided to conquer.

I started today, and it was such a great release.

I am happy.

ARGH

i hate money.
i hate ncc.



that's my life.


period.